Friday Randoms - Why the hell I am tired all the time

When I first had The Good Daughter, everything was new and shiny and exciting. I was hanging out on a pregnancy chat board and reading mommy blogs and soaking it all in. It was pretty popular at the time to post a 'day in the life of' post about your schedule.

Since the blog was still mostly a food blog, I didn't post anything and now I have forgotten just how TGD and I made it through the days alive. So I think it would be interesting to document my typical day with both TGD and The Good Son so I can look at this later and grin uncontrollably that things have gotten better or shake with rage they have gotten worse.

So what a typical day looks like juggling a 3 year old, 2 month old, work and a house:

3:30 am - Up to nurse TGS. Catch up on some tv that will keep me awake, like the Republican National Convention or dick around on my phone

4:30 - put TGS in the co-sleeper and crawl into bed

4:36 - get kicked in the face by TGD as she performs the snow angel in the middle of our bed

6:30 - wake up to TGS grunting away like a pig looking for truffles, nurse him again

7:00 - put TGS in his swing, pump to build my freezer stash of breast milk, make coffee, unload the dishwasher, wipe down the kitchen counters

7:45/8:00 - TGD awakens. Make breakfast, let the dog out, TGD feeds the dog, let the dog in, tantrum #1, eat breakfast, clean up the dishes and the table, tantrum #2

8:30 - get everyone dressed, teeth and hair brushed, hands and faces washed, (on a bad day - tantrums #3-5)

8:45 - get our shit and get out of the house, drop the kids off with the strangers that raise them

9:00 - work, dick around on the internet, drink some coffee, pump a few times, take the dog outside, work

4:00 pm - pick the kids up from daycare, run to the grocery store or another errand

5:ish - get home, kick TGD outside to play before tantrum #6, throw a load of diapers in the wash, strap TGS into the moby, cook dinner

6:00 - eat the shit I made, tantrum #7-9, clean up the kitchen - again, switch over the wash to the dryer, throw another load in the wash, kick TGD outside again

6:something - nurse TGS again

7:15ish - switch the wash over to the dryer, take the dog for a walk, check on TGD running loose in the wild streets of suburbia

7:45 - get TGD in the tub, tantrum #10 , get her out and into jammies

8:00 - read a book to TGD and then one more book

8:14 - and then just one more fucking book

8:20 - tuck TGD into bed, hugs and kisses and goodnight

8:21 - reassure TGD there are no monsters or scary guys

8:22 - no, there are NO scary guys

8:23 - yes, i am sure

8:24 - i said no monsters, ok? the dog eats monsters

8:25 - love you, g'night

8:30 - nurse and put TGS down for the night, fold laundry, clean, pack bags and lunches for tomorrow, take the dog outside again

10:00 - watch the news

10:08 - fall asleep on the couch

11:30 - wake up to nurse again

12:15 am - crawl into bed to find TGD stealing my pillow

Are you tired, b/c I am fucking exhausted.

Friday Randoms - Mommy War Edition

By now you have no doubt seen the newest cover of Time:

The cover story deals with the topic of Attachment Parenting and how it can drive women to extremes. I haven't read the Time article yet b/c I am too cheap to buy either the online or print edition, but this article comes after some hot debate in the feminist blog world.

I read several feminist blogs. Some of them are Mommy centered while some aren't, so it is interesting to see one side argue that parenting styles like AP are decidedly unfeminist while the other side argues AP is nothing, if not feminist.

First, let's outline the 3 basic principles of APing: co-sleeping (which IS NOT bed sharing, more in a second), breastfeeding and baby wearing. The Good Husband and I practiced all three but only after the arrival of The Good Daughter and only as a natural extension of our own parenting choices. I had never heard of APing until TGD was a few months old and another mom commented on my sling at the Farmer's Market and said something about APing. I went home and Googled and shit! Lo and behold, we were APing without ever hearing about Dr. Sears, which is probably a good thing since all his opinions on vaccines make me want to take a hot poker to the eye.

For the first six months or so, TGD slept in a bedside bassinet. We wanted her close at hand, but we didn't want her in the bed with us. And just so everyone knows, sleeping with the baby in your room but with the baby in their own bed is CO-SLEEPING. Sleeping with a baby in your bed is BED SHARING. We bed share now on occasion but TGD is almost 3. I wasn't comfortable with her sleeping in our bed until past the age of one. So I hope that clears up some of the :::gasp! looks of horror::: I see pregnant women get when they spit out they "would never!!!!" co-sleep, thinking they might roll over on their precious and smoosh them. I also nursed for 4 months before, due to latch issues, pumped for another 7 months. This allowed TGD to get all that wonderful stuff that is in breast milk, but it also allowed TGH or anyone else to feed her. Baby wearing was just easy for me b/c I am lazy and wanted my hands free when carrying the kiddo around.

The idea behind APing is that by having a close attachment to your baby in the beginning, by sleeping next to them, not allowing them to cry excessively, to have a lot of physical contact, you lay the groundwork for a confident, independent child later.

Now the argument floating around feminist blogs is that AP is the very much a tool of the patriarchy in order to keep women oppressed and in a state of mommy martyrdom, since it is implied that only really good moms are the ones that stay at home with a kid on the tit 24/7 for the first two years.

I disagree with that and only some of it is due to the fact that I self identify as an AP. First of all, there is nothing that states only moms can AP. Yes, men are lacking the biology to allow them to lactate but thank god for the breast pump, b/c it allows anyone to feed the baby breast milk. And as far as I know, it is the actual milk and not the time on the tit that is of the most benefit. A baby and the person feeding it will bond even if no tits are a-swingin'. Also, as far as I know, a penis doesn't hinder co-sleeping or baby wearing at all. To imply that only a mother can do all these things and AP her baby is actually sexist to all the great and supportive men out there and diminishes the important role they play in the lives of their babies.

Let's not forget too that while infant formula has been around since the time mothers were giving cocaine to babies to help with teething, it wasn't until the post war era of better living through science that formula really took off since there was no way something natural a woman could produce would be any way as good as what a man in a lab could create. Then misguided feminists of the 70s and 80s took up the formula loving battle cry as a way to free women from their natural bonds as they entered the workforce in droves. Its no wonder then that breastfeeding rates were at an all time low in the 80s.

I work full time, as does TGH, so someone else is raising our daughter and soon to be son for us. But having a caretaker that believes in the same basic principles of APing, someone that is attentive, interactive and loving with your child means they will still form all the basic attachments AP spouts.

The idea that only women can provide a nurturing and loving environment for babies is sexist at best and dangerous at worst. It fails to acknowledge the importance supportive people of both genders play in her life and that of her child. By focusing on the idea that APing is mommy centered  it is creating the impression that it is oppressive and mothers are the sole responsibility when a child fails, when the opposite is true. APing can be about taking the easiest and laziest way out with the help of everyone in the life of the baby. It is very much a "takes a whole village" type of approach when it is often painted as isolating and lonely.

Friday Randoms - 50 Shades of Grey, Working 80+ hours a week

Hey you, reading this blog? Are you a mom? Do you live in the suburbs? Are you computerlly social, on the Twitters and the Facebooks and the Pinterest? If so, I bet you have heard of the hottest "Mommy Porn" book there is right now - 50 Shades of Grey.

I will confess that I am a little annoyed by the whole thing. 

Remember that time in 7th grade when you thought you were so fucking cool because you bought Green Day's Dookie because your best friend's older, college attending brother talked about how cool it was? And then you walked around school, trying to be punk rock in your uniform and you thought you were badass, until the more popular girls started talking about it and sang all the lyrics to Basket Case at the next school dance? And you couldn't help but roll your eyes and call them out as posers, since everyone knows you totally liked Green Day before they were popular? 

Yeah, that's what I feel like when I see that damn book mentioned. Did you know they did a piece on it in the New York Fucking Times? I rolled my eyes and snorted and thought to myself "50" was soooo two winters ago. I read that shit back when it was Master of the Universe and Snowqueens Icedragon had the playlist linked to every chapter.

You see, the bestselling book was once one of many, many, Twilight fan fiction pieces. I used to read Buffy the Vampire Slayer FF in college but abandoned it years ago. And then a little over a year ago, I stumbled upon Twilight FF. It was a strange day that day, considering I hate and refuse to read the original Twilight. I was sent, by a friend, a link to a very dirty, very graphic, wonderful FF. I devoured it in a day. And then I asked her for more and low and behold 50 was one of them. And I read it in a day too but it was and never will be my favorite FFs.

So when I hear people rave about it now, I can't help but think they are reading SPAM quality writing, when they could be reading grass fed, free range, humanely raised Kobe beef quality writing. But then I would have to reveal just how much Twilight FF I have read over the last year. And that is embarrassing. Even more so is the fact I can recommend better BDSM FFs or Happily Ever After FFs or Angsty FFs and on and on.

The other day it was mentioned on CNN and when I did my snort, eyeroll thing, The Good Husband gave me the side eye and asked if he wanted to know.

No. You don't. These things are better left unsaid.

I am coming up on the busiest time of year for me at my job. 80+ weeks are routine. The last time I routinely worked 80+ hours was my junior year in college. I had one job that I worked from 6 am to 2:30 pm, followed by my second job from 3:30 to midnight. The Good Husband and I were just dating, so we would see each other for about an hour after I got off working my second job. I was a major bitch and I am surprised he stuck it out with me. It was draining but it paid well.

But now I am too old for this shit.

And I can't even up my caffeine intake to offset the hours.