Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Summer of Change

I cannot wait for this summer. There are so many things I am looking forward to, so many things I want to accomplish that I really do hope this summer will be one of a permanent change.

The Farmer's Markets will soon be opening, allowing us to eat fresher and seasonally.

The Good Baby will turn one

I will have finished my first semester in graduate school, hopefully with a 4.0 GPA

I will have completed my mind/body stress reduction class

I will be able to stop pumping breast milk for TGB

And finally, but most importantly, I will be able to exercise again.

Everything I have read about breastfeeding (and I read a ton and attended several classes and still not all my questions were answered - but that is a separate post) says to not exercise because an acid can build up in your milk and your baby won't eat it. That seems a little strange to me but hey, any excuse I have to not move my ass is good with me.

Did you also know that while you are nursing you HAVE to eat an additional 500 calories a day? Hot damn! Pass me the cookies.

You see where this is going?

I was able to keep my pregnancy weight gain to 15 pounds and the day I left the hospital I weighed less then my first OB appointment. Now before you want to glass me, keep in mind that I was a member of the fatties before I got pregnant so I was advised to gain NO MORE than 15 pounds. But I know how easy it is to say "I am growing a freaking human here people, pass me that bacon double cheeseburger."

But I was lucky like a case of herpes to get gestational diabetes. I had to test my blood sugar seven times a day and I was placed on insulin. My blood sugar levels were so high when I failed my glucose test it set an office record and even after 2 months on insulin I had to be placed on a second dose of insulin my blood sugar levels were so bad.

So that is the only way I didn't gain 55 pounds during pregnancy. I couldn't drink milk, I couldn't touch a carb and fruit was out of the question. I didn't even have a piece of my baby shower cake.

Both my OB and my endocrinologist speculated I might have been borderline type 2 diabetic before I was pregnant. But there was no way to prove it.

With gestational diabetes you have a 2 out of 3 chance of getting it again with each pregnancy. So most likely I will have this again. But with diet and exercise I should be in a better place in two years when we try to conceive again.

So why didn't my fat ass get out and walk after I had The Good Baby? Postpartum depression and anxiety.


Like a case of herpes with hemorrhoids.

Any new mother will tell you that the first few months are about survival only. I was lucky to get sleep or a shower or brush my teeth, so eating the diabetes diet every 2 1/2 to 3 hours was not happening. By Christmas TGB was six months old and sleeping through the night. But it was the middle of winter and I was packing on my winter weight.

I told myself that my feelings of depression and anxiety were normal and everything would be better once TGB was sleeping in her own room, once she got over teething, once I am able to stop pumping breast milk. I stupidly enrolled in graduate school thinking I needed a distraction.

So the weight slowly crept up. Depression over my new life, my new role and coping with my new body did nothing to ease the pain that the life I knew before TGB was no more. So I ate that cookie and the bacon double cheeseburger and I now weight 15 pounds more then I did at my first OB appointment.

But I feel for the first time in almost a year like I have a grasp on my life, that I am able to control it in a way I couldn't before when every moment seemed to be slipping though my fingers as gently as razorblades.

I feel confident that I can change my body. I can be a great role model for TGB. I can teach her to love food but to not be a slave to fat or calories. I know there will be roadblocks along the way. I know there will be setbacks. I know there will be days when I want to give up and wish everything would just go away. But I know I can do this. I can face this challenge.

And I hope I will kick it's ass.


Jen said...

I was surprised to see your comments about exercising in pregnancy... have you checked kellymom?

Also, I've found in the last couple of months (DomerBaby is 14mo now) that I've started dropping some weight from moderate exercise, with no effect on nursing. I eat like a horse, too. You might find that TheGoodBaby will start having this effect on you soon!

The Good Wife said...

Thanks for the link Jen. I knew the no exercising thing was too good to be true.