Monday, October 10, 2011

It's a universal truth

That a trip to Targét to get thank you cards, goes from this:


to this:

and the thought process that evolves a $6 trip into a $50 spree is:
"Oh! The Dollar Spot. I got to check this shit out. What can I not live without but don't want to spend more than a dollar on? Ah-ha! Elmo coloring book WITH FUCKING STICKERS!!!! Yeah, I'll put that bitch in the cart. The Good Daughter didn't see it, so I can hide that when I get home and give it to her later. Oh, a baby Big Bird book. I have to have that and there is a Cookie Monster one too! I can't just get one fucking board book. Throw that whore in the back of the cart.

"What's this? Finger puppets? Well, fuck me. Our house is sorely lacking finger puppets. Which one to get? The unicorn/frog combo or the wizard/queen? I love unicorns, so that's a no brainer. But I love wizards. Hmmm. Which to get, which to get? What! Did I forget where I was? This is the motherfucking Dollar Spot, slut! Get both those finger puppet bitches!"

and so it goes that way for 45 minutes while I throw a toy in the cart b/c TGD was being a good girl while her mom walked around the T, out of her ever lovin mind. And the line was too long in the check out lane, which got me gum AND a magazine AND candy AND FUCKING LIP GLOSS, b/c I'm like Ted Haggard when faced with meth and gay sex and can't turn that shit down.

5 comments:

Jo said...

The best thing about this post is that it is the absolutely truth. Target does that to the best of us.

miamihoney said...

Hilarious! Target is the suburban mom's crack and well I will admit I start to twitch if I haven't been in 5 days ;)

Katie said...

LOVE this!

Caroline @healthyroad said...

Oh this was good..I am still laughing because I could hear myself saying all of this, swearing and all.
That damn dollar section is a real bastard.

Heather said...

This post had me cracking up and my 3-year old looking at me like I was a crazy person! It is so true and when I happen to be at Target with DH he absolutely forbids me from even taking a peek! Thanks so much for the laugh :)